The First Time


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This is where most people would do all the formal stuff like saying who they are, how old they are and the purpose they’re writing just before they launch in with the juicy stuff. And because there is no creative way to do it, here it is:

Megan Grace Watts is my full name.

I’m 17 years old and still studying.

I’m writing this blog because a) I want someone I don’t know to tell me I have moderate talent b) I want to have something half original on my personal statement and c) I enjoy writing and being opinionated.

So, like most people, someone somewhere suggests something like a blog and you um and uh about it for months before you sit down and decide this time you’re actually going to do it.

In my case, a very lovely lady who has helped me find incredible opportunities when it comes to my writing, told me I am technically a published author if I start a blog. So I did. And after months of ensuring the technicalities of the blog looked OK, I am finally sitting down in the middle of the night on a Monday trying to get my creative clogs turning.

But it is once you have decided to start a blog that you realise: oh fuck, what the hell am I going to write about?! I had this thought for 5 months before I sat down to write this, until I watched a TV series (one I thought was overrated until I watched), listened to a Chris Brown song and drove home. It was after those three things occurred that I had my burst of confidence and the inspiration flowed. Haphazardly, but it flowed.

Whilst watching Gossip Girl (yes, I finally caved in and watched it), I had an exciting moment. The main character Dan Humphrey is an inspiring writer, a character to which I related myself with right until the final 10 minutes of season 6. (If you know, you know). It was him that sparked questions and ideas that spun around for 6 seasons before I wrote them down; what could I say in response to his character and what he wrote? What could I write that’s got similar ideas and prospects but ultimately my own and original? And is it really true that writers should write what they know? If so, my futuristic and distopian novel is already down the drain because I am not familiar with either genre. I still don’t know the answer to those questions, but I intend to figure them out. By starting with writing what I know and see if that is markedly more successful than a novel about vampires in 5015.

Chris Brown. His song Stuck On Stupid struck my hopeless romantic heart and also got me thinking. His point is that he does crazy, stupid and foolish things because he’s in love and he does them for the person he’s in love with. I then thought about Dan. He builds an entire online personality in order to no longer be an outsider to the Upper East Side of Manhattan, because of his love (or moderately creepy obsession) with Serena. He becomes the bully, the torment and the voice of savage truth to prove a point, whilst doing so for Serena. As she says herself, he wrote a love letter to herself and the people he calls his best friends. Dan does something so crazy, stupid and foolish because he’s in love with Serena and he basically does it for her. So, if what Chris says and Dan proves, is something that unlitmately brought me to tears, then there must be something there. I mean, it is a moving thought; another human doing something so drastic to show their love for another human. But it’s also confusing and kinda weird; a human being is prepared to do such crazy and stupid things for another human being? A human being’s love for another causes them to go to such extreme lengths to show it or prove it? It’s scary, the power of feeling and emotion. And something I intend to explore more and write about.

And finally, it was on the drive home from dropping off my boyfriend at his house, that I had a revelation. I was thinking about my feelings for him and the lengths I would go to for him. I assessed myself to see if I had any elements of Dan or Chris inside me that could relate, even the smallest amount, to what they thought. I found myself, in complete understanding of what Chris was saying; the fact that you can be so in love with one person you resort to playing the Fool, doing the occasional stupid or crazy thing just because you love them. I could see myself in the shoes of the (gorgeous) Dan Humphrey who so desperately wanted a chance with his ‘dream girl’ and to be taken seriously, that he became one of them, in a way neither they nor the audience could have foreseen. He went to such an extreme length for Serena. And I completely get it; why wouldn’t you? If you’re that serious about yourself and the person you’re that in love with, then why wouldn’t you be a little crazy and stupid just so they see it?

You’re now thinking; what on earth are you trying to say?

Well, I found my inspiration in those three things and now have some idea of what I want to do with that, but I also learnt something.

Grand gestures, especially those that are slightly crazy and stupid, are not out of date.

Just because you’ve fallen in love, does not mean, all you singletons who are fretting you’re loosing a mate or wingman, that your friend or sibling is now rendered boring, but rendered someone so in touch with their emotions, and full of genuine feeling for another person, that they may occasionally be a little stupid or crazy. And that, in a world of evil stupid and crazy, is a wonderful thing.

I can certainly vouch for the fact that every person in any type of relationship, has at some point played the Fool and felt a little crazy or stupid and most certainly have done a crazy or stupid thing.

And I still don’t know if that’s terrifying or beautiful or both, but whatever you decide, remember it’s not necessarily a bad thing.


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